the more things change, the more they stay the same

In true Slacker-style, I just realized that the anniversary of my first post came and went with no fanfare or celebration on my part. Maybe next year I'll get it together and do something cool.

I re-read some of my old posts. It's funny what a difference a year makes. Last year, I was talking about potty training E and buying her pull-ups...this year A's in the pull-ups. A was just learning to walk last year...now she's a running, jumping spitfire.

On the other hand, I remember that this time last year I had just gone back to work after taking time off when A was born. I remember thinking to myself that the balancing of work and home, the getting the kids to and from daycare, doing the day-to-day chores...all of it was *so* hard, but surely would get easier as the days and months went on. Unfortunately, this one hasn't changed so much.

Sure, it's gotten a bit easier. Both A and E love their school and their friends and their teachers...so there's not a lot of drama in drop-off anymore. But fitting everything in...spending time with John and the girls, work, getting stuff done around the house and maybe even eeking out some time just for myself...that really hasn't gotten any easier. It's really tough to do it all.

To quote Mary Chapin Carpenter...sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're bug.

This week I have feeling very very very bug-like. It all culminated last night, when E threw a tantrum outside of Pizzeria Uno. I told her we would not go in if she didn't shape up in 3...counted...and then all hell broke loose. I had to carry her kicking and screaming back to the car along with A. I had to strap her into her seat as she tried to hit and pinch and scratch me. When I finished and went around to strap in A she had gotten out of her car seat. So, I threw a tantrum, too.

I yelled at her when I should have just hugged her. I buckled her in and slammed her car door shut rather than closing it like an adult. And while her tantrum was longer and bigger and louder...mine was a thousand times worse because I'm the parent and I should know better.

On the ride home I apologized to her for acting the way I did, and drove one-handed so that I could hold her hand with the other one. We hugged and snuggled and played the rest of the evening after a dinner that she devoured in the comfort of her own home. I imagine for the most part that what happened last night barely registers in her memory any more. Oh, how I wish I could say the same for me.

Luckily, we've got a big weekend planned for her birthday. Her party is tomorrow and she is super-excited for that. And her actual birthday is on Monday...I'll be bringing in a snack and possibly a craft in for her class. I still need to figure out what the Food Nazis will and will not allow snack-wise, but she's very excited about that as well.

I'm sorry this is such a downer of a post...it's just been a really tough couple of weeks in Slackerville. So, in effort to look at things on the bright side...at least E's tantrum meant that we wouldn't have to suffer like we did last time we went to dinner at Pizzeria Uno.